Premier League Potshots

Disclaimer: I do NOT claim originality for all the content in this note. Any resemblance to any person alive or dead is purely intentional and not at all con-incidental unless they support Liverpool FC.


(Here's Technical Writing skills put to some use)
(Almost Original)

CHUNKIES Store in Bandra launched a new product recently
"The Grow-Your-Own-Barby Kit"

The Product comes complete with the Kit and a signed chewing-gum by Sir Holy God who used it during his side's 4-0 victory over Arsenal Reserves two years ago.

The kit includes a stone about 1.88 cms(0.7 in) in height, red-coloured solution, a hairband, protective glasses.

Step 1: Take the stone and immerse it overnight in the solution
Step 2: The stone grows to be 1.88m(6.1 feet) in height.
Step 3: Place the hairband on the top of the stone
Step 4: Gently place the stone in an offside position
Warning: Use the protective glasses to view the stone.
Step 5: You have your very own Dimitar Barbi-tov collector's model stone

Price: £30.75m only

(90% Original)
The new Gunner-null Squad

Its that time of the year again folks. The calendar draws to a close, so the award ceremony has arrived.
The following players were awarded for their superb performances.

Hunk of the Year
Canary Lasagna
This weird combination has noodles at the top!

Keeper of the Year
Manual I'll-Moon-Ya
Despite being Spanish, he was signed for having fluorescent hair and being openly gay.

Defender of the Year
Gay Cleansheet
Primarily signed because he's French, then used to replace Hairy Cole.

Striker of the Year
Edwin van de Silva
Spent much time playing Carrom. Known in the Carrom UnderGround as the "Striker"

Rich Player of the Year
Abu Dhabi
The Arab was signed to ease the financial crisis at Gunner-nal. He also brought their main sponsor-Emirates.

Aggressive Player of the Year
Samir Nazi

Music Sensation of the Year
Wiil-I-Am BlackAss
Founder member of the Black-Eyed Peace

Promising Player of the Year
Aaron Bambi
He's Welsh !!

League Cup Defender Award
Phillipe Sendhimoff
Renowned defender for saving a last gasp goal against Liverpool by handling I-Am-Injured Aquilani's bicycle kick seven times.

Clueless Player of the Year
Alexander Dong
I don't wanna comment on this guy... It's just that I don't wanna ...... DIE?!

Tyson Gay Award
Theodore Wallcock
Eight-year old child prodigy. Average speed is Mach 2. Though he is known for Mach 3 against Liverpool in Champions League

(Fransex Faber-Castel is spared for being a great player)


The Fulham Chant
(Similar to the Musgrave Ritual in Sherlock Homles Adventures)

Who won the Intertoto-Cup?

We did

Who won the South England Bingle-Burberry Consolation Cup?

We did

Who is our saviour?

Jesus Bullard Clint Dempsey

Who was our best player?

Santa-Claus Jensen

In Roy Hodgson, we believe


The story to Chelsea's new home jersey

June 2009
Chelsea launched their new Home jersey. Visit the following link to view

July 2009
BPL authorities rejected the jersey as it sported swear words. So CAshley Cole came up with the zipper idea. His idealogy was that "the zipper would describe us better than the swear words".

What a visionary!


A Video I found on Youtube. Made by some random user.

Jose Mourinho "Shaddup Your Face"



Rafa Benitez: I signed a new Winger for 1.5 million pounds- Mark Gonzalez. He's our wonder boy.

Alex Ferguson: Why is that?

Rafa Benitez: Because everytime he plays, I wonder why I signed him.

Alex Ferguson: Why you lucky bastard, I spent 14 on Nani!
(Technically, Nani arrived a year after Mark Gonzalez, but heck, like they both made big differences!)
edit post